Thursday, July 16, 2009

Lessons Learned in First Two Years of Parenthood

  1. The smaller the item you are missing, the more likely you are to have placed it in the freezer or fridge when trying to placate your domicile terrorist.  
  2. Chicken nuggets can quiet almost any tantrum.
  3. Diapers can be changed while standing up.
  4. A new car/TV/carpet/anything of value is a waste, until your toddler understands that it's not okay to just spit out whatever they are done eating because they see something tastier in the periphery.
  5. Pants with elastic are not helpful for  losing baby weight. (Jeans with spandex worked into them fall into this sneaky category, as well as yoga pants).
  6. "No!" doesn't mean No, it can mean, "I would like something else to eat/do.", "I don't like that", "I see you have taken off your diaper and Mom is going to be pissed".
  7. Chocolate milk can buy you another 1/2 hour of shopping time.
  8. Getting a toddler to leave the house in a reasonable amount of time requires more preparation than a battle group deployment.
  9. Fork sounds a lot like another word, but don't ever try to clarify the difference.
  10. Things that you shout in traffic sound ridiculous when repeated in a higher octave and a slight lisp.

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