Monday, June 2, 2008

Sometimes it's good

Well, today was a pretty good day. The babies are still getting over a little virus but it doesn't really slow them down at all. It just makes them go to bed on time because they are exhausted. I finally have a second to myself and just wanted to put something out there that I have been thinking of. My favorite song, in the world, is Perfect Blue Buildings, by Counting Crows. It's my favorite song, in part, because it is so sad and hopeful at the same time. I just wanted to give people permission to be sad and hopeful. God doesn't ever give hatefulness. Adversity brings about growth, but just like a child growing into adulthood, there is pain in the growth. I know this because I used to have the most painful aches in my legs and knees and hips growing up. I didn't understand what they were but now I understand that I was just growing (albeit not that much). The separation that Adam and I are experiencing is painful but we are growing. We are growing closer together and closer to God. I have found a new confidence in myself and my abilities that has convinced me that I don't need to wait until the babies are grown to exhibit my work in a gallery. I can do it because I can do this. This is a harder job than I have ever applied for in the real world. Multi-tasking doesn't even come close to explaining what I do and I have found a way to do it with a glad heart. That is a miracle. I saw my Mom resentful toward her children and it was hurtful to watch. I always thought that I would be mad that I had to give up my goals for my children. I see now that I don't have to give up my goals and I don't have to resent my children. I can be happy to do both. I don't listen to people who tell me that I have to slow down. They aren't me and I know that I have to set limits that are reasonable but that the dreaming part of having a dream is more important than the time-frame in which you are able to accomplish the dream. I have been able to help people feed their families, remember important moments, and keep a smile and that is a better use of my time any day.

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